Divorce Myth Three: The Relationship Ended with the Romance
“The best partnerships aren't dependent on a mere common goal but on a shared path of equality, desire, and no small amount of passion.”
~ Sarah MacLean
When you’re a divorced mother, you don’t have the benefit of a clean break from your spouse. Barring safety concerns and court involvement, the two of you will still remain on the same parenting team. While your romance and marriage may be dead, your relationship with your ex is not over, it has just drastically changed.
You may no longer be married, but until your children are financially and emotionally independent, you will be active coparents. How do you approach this new normal? We have some ideas.
End and Begin with a Plan
While most people would find the process of a divorce and parenting plan overwhelming, it needs to be done. Fortunately, it is usually created during the divorce proceedings and will detail custody arrangements and responsibilities.
This framework enables and empowers every member of your family because it sets clear expectations and a common understanding.
Shift to a Partnering Mindset and Shared Mission
Divorce is hard, and putting the past to rest so you can parent together while apart is challenging. One way to make it easier is to approach your ex as you would a business partner. You have a common goal – securing and sustaining a stable, nurturing, and healthy environment for your children.
With that mission in mind, do your best to engage each other with positivity and empathy so you can both be successful in the business of raising your kids. Make a conscious effort to understand and support your coparent in pursuit of your common goal. It’s the best way to tamp down any embers of resentment and focus on creating a new normal in your kids’ best interests.
There’s an App for That
Every business needs good technology, and your coparenting partnership can benefit from one of the many coparenting apps available for your smart phones. We recommend Our Family Wizard for most of our coparenting clients but explore the ones that might work best for you.
The magic of the app is that it can keep everyone on schedule, reinforce boundaries, and provide stable expectations for all concerned. The intangible benefit of technology is that it takes the place of human interaction around sensitive reminders. When the app is directing the traffic of schedules and custody agreements, based on your parenting plan, accountability can measured by impartial technology. Common concerns like nagging, button pushing, or gaslighting are not supported by the app, so you can focus on healing and parenting.
Like any venture, you can build on your successes and share the rewards of raising healthy kids. In the complex landscape of divorce, navigating co-parenting with an ex-spouse requires a strategic approach and a shift in mindset. Acknowledging that your relationship may have transformed but remains vital for your children's well-being is crucial. By starting with a well-defined parenting plan, adopting a partnering mindset, and leveraging technology like coparenting apps, you can foster stability and cooperation.
Embracing this new normal not only supports your children's growth but also sets a positive example of resilience and collaboration. Together, as committed coparents, you can forge a path forward that prioritizes your children's future and nurtures a healthy family dynamic.
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