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Divorce feels differently, depending on who started it

Being broken up with is not an enjoyable experience, especially when you feel horrible and your ex is moving on. For most people in Marietta, it is hard to stay emotionally stable at all times during a divorce, even when it is for the best. What people may not realize, however, is that being the initiator of a divorce produces and leads to very different feelings than those felt by the one who is being broken up with. Because divorce is felt so differently by the initiator and the non-initiator, it is helpful to remember that there is different advice for the different parties.

If you are not the person who first said, "I want a divorce," you need to remember that the other party has had time to adjust to the idea of your divorce. So, when he or she has no problem going on a date while you still feel horrible, know that he or she felt the same way you did at one point. It is also helpful to focus on yourself and new, independent activities that are things you never did with your ex. Try not to think about what your former spouse is doing and don't forget that you may have children that still need a fully functioning parent.

Sometimes the spouses that asked for the divorce may mistakenly believe that life will continue to be largely the same after the divorce. Instead, your former spouse will have his or her own needs and requests, property is often split, and parents will need to work out a parenting schedule. Your divorce will also lead to feelings of loss and it is all right to have conflicting emotions after leaving such a significant relationship. Finally, while you may have made your peace about the end of the relationship, it is likely your ex has not. Remember that it took you a long time to be OK with getting a divorce and your former wife or husband will need that same time to process his or her emotions.

Divorce can be a difficult thing, even when both parties have already talked about their marriage's failures. Making assumptions about the other person based off of his or her activities, however, will only add fuel to feelings of anger, resentment or depression.

Source: The Huffington Post, "10 Tips for a Sane Divorce: Five for You, Five for Me," Micki McWade, Nov. 28, 2011

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Marietta, GA 30060

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